A change.

My baby starts Kindergarten next week.  So far, her behavior has made it easy for me to not be an emotional wreck.  ("Is time for you to go to school yet?")  And yet...she's my baby.  My very first little precious tiny, wispy haired, round eyed baby girl.  The first person in the whole world to call me "Mama".  I tell her that all the time, that she got to call me Mama before any one else ever did, and I think, that even though she acts crazy and burps in my face, that is a special thing to her.  She is such an interesting person to love - she has an odd and witty and surprising sense of humor, and is so smart and clever, and charming and weird all at the same time.  She is so different from her sisters.  The world is her plaything; everything is a prop or a character or an inspiration for some complex and wonderful imaginary scene she participates in, and while it takes convincing to get her to participate in the daily grind, she does it with flair and attitude, which can be both frustrating, and delightfully entertaining.  I briefly considered homeschooling, but this child cannot be contained, and this Mama does not have enough water in the world to quench the thirst she has for learning and doing and trying and making and meeting and growing.  So, I send her out.  She'll be fine.  She's ready.  She's capable.  She's excited.  Although, I think school supply shopping was a bit of a let down for her.  Four boxes of crayons, some glue sticks, and a box of tissues just doesn't really let her express her "style".  But she's excited anyways.  And she reminds me.  That school is starting, that she is big now, that she can do things herself, that she might save her green blanket for watching movies and not keep it in her bed anymore.  She is so lovely and goofy and everything she should be, and I will miss her while she's at school, but that just means it will be exciting to pick her up.  My mom told me once that she always remembered my brothers and I as different sets of children - the kids as babies, the kids in school, the kids as teenagers - and it is a perfect way to explain how I am feeling about Kindergarten.  I am realizing my little baby blondie is gone, but here in her place is this new child that I already know so affectionately, but have so much to get to know and learn about.  My sweet girl.  My first big kid.